It's time to start moving forward. I will always love Mike. He will always be my husband in my heart, Jack's father, the man who would have done anything for his family. But I have to keep walking. He would want that. I feel like I've been making excellent progress in moving forward. The boys are doing great, we've gotten closer than ever, and I'm really feeling like I can breathe again. And I can smile. Often! I can mostly talk about Mike without crying. I'm truly walking through this and beyond. Our new reality is that our future does not include Mike. Is that okay? No, not really, but what choice to we have? It's time to start making the best of it and looking ahead more than looking behind. I also have to accept that no matter what happens in this new reality, the term "widow" will follow me for the rest of my life. Even if I remarry someday - I will still have been a widow first. I don't yet know what weight this will carry, but I do know it will always be significant to my story. Going through something like this changes a person at their very core. I believe it has changed me for the better. I have learned how strong I can truly be. And the boys. We are supporting each other, and we are all strong. And will will live on and be happy. For us and for Mike. We love you, Mike!
I stumbled across this poem, and I felt like if Mike could write it to us, this is pretty much exactly what he would say:
© Crystal Baptiste
Hey everybody,
I hope this doesn't reach you too late.
I don't want you to worry,
Because life up here is great.
I can't wait for you to see the beauty of heaven,
But I know it's not your time.
I really miss you guys,
But I know you'll be just fine.
You know I can see you right,
So please stop shedding tears.
You guys, I'm perfectly fine,
So conquer all your fears.
I'll be watching your every move.
Relax! I won't spill your beans.
But stop all those naughty things you do,
Because you know there's nothing He can't see.
I need you to come here to meet me,
But not if you misbehave,
So please keep God in your heart,
And you'll be safe and saved.
Hey guys I know you miss me.
It's really hard not to.
But please, please stop grieving,
Because you're making me sad too.
You guys have been a great family,
And I am truly blessed.
You've raised me through my earthly life,
Now God will do the rest.
He's really a great person,
And an even better friend,
So I'm in great hands,
And on Him you can also depend.
Oh boy, I'm getting carried away.
I want to say so many things,
But I really have to go now,
Because today I'm getting my wings.
Bye you guys, love you forever and a day!
P.S.: Be good. I'll be watching!!!